Lemonade Stand

Posted by Jew from Jersey
12 January 2022

If life were a lemonade stand, men would never be served. They would approach the stand every day, only to be told there was no lemonade. They would wait and wait, offering to pay any price, to perform any task, whatever it takes, just to maybe get a half-finished glass of warm lemonade someone else got tired of. Then they would cling to that cup, nursing at it all day, swearing it was the best lemonade in the world. If it ever spilled or got drunk by someone else, they would be heartbroken.

Women would get all the lemonade they wanted for free. But no glass of lemonade, however freshly squeezed and iced, however elegantly served and garnished, would ever be good enough. They would callously cast one glass after another to the pavement or into the garbage. First they would do this with glee, laughing at their own extravagance and waste, eager to sample another glass and another, confident that each would be better than the last. Someday, they would find the lemonade they really liked, but not today! Time to sample more...

Eventually, when the lemonade was running grainy and stale, they would toss the glasses away angrily. Why did it all taste so bad? But they’d keep coming back for more anyway, maybe the next one would be the lemonade of their dreams. Finally, the stand would close and the women would go home. Not empty-handed, mind you. The stand would never refuse them lemonade, that was unthinkable. But whatever they finally took home with them would be resented. After all, she could have had the best lemonade, but had to settle for this crap...

Men, if you’re not getting any lemonade, quit hanging around the stand. You’re wasting your time and everybody else’s. Go somewhere else and do something else, something you actually like doing. Reconcile yourself to the distinct possibility that you may never get any lemonade. Not all men do. But if they do, when they do, it’s never from the stand anyway. For men, lemonade isn’t served in stands. Or if it is, you will only get watered-down dregs and you’ll get charged an arm and a leg for it. If you’re ever going to get any good lemonade in your life, it will only be because some girl chases after you, calling sweetly: Hey, I have some lemonade and I thought you might like some... Or it may never happen.

Women, the lemonade is only as good as you are. If all the lemonade they’re serving isn’t good enough, the problem is you. That rotten lemonade you have in your hand? That’s not “settling,” that’s you. Take it or leave it. The next glass is not going to be any better, and neither is the next one or the next one. The truth is, they’re saving the good lemonade under the counter, for some other girl, probably a younger one with less baggage. They will always tell you they’ll be getting a new batch of the good stuff tomorrow, but you will never get any of it. And they will never tell you the truth.